Family Communication between Single Father and Daughter in Affection Exchange

. The phenomenon of single fathers experiencing divorce and death has its own challenges in carrying out duties and responsibilities as parents, especially in taking care of adolescent girls, in which case adolescence is a transitional period towards adulthood so communication of affection is needed within the family. Researchers focused on families of single fathers and adolescent girls in the Special Region of Yogyakarta. This study uses a naturalistic paradigm. The data obtained in this study were obtained through observation, in-depth interviews, and documentation from the six key informants, namely single fathers and adolescent daughters, two supporting informants, and one expert informant. In this study, researchers found that family communication affects the form of messages that are produced in a form of exchange of affection, which can be in the form of verbal communication and nonverbal communication in relation to the exchange of affection and parenting patterns of single fathers. In addition, single fathers who communicate affection with their children have lower levels of stress and conflict avoidance than single fathers who do not communicate affection with their children. Therefore, affectionate communication contributes to the family because it can minimize conflicts that may occur between single fathers and adolescent girls.


INTRODUCTION
The phenomenon of single fathers experiencing divorce and death can be a challenge in itself for men because of changes in lifestyle in their involvement in taking care of the household and also raising children (Olson & Defrain, in Septiningsih & Cahyanti, 2014).Not only that, but there are also other challenges for single fathers because there are stereotypes of patriarchal culture that exist in social society which divides the role of parents into two aspects, namely the public aspect and the domestic aspect (Septiani & Nasution, 2018).The public aspect is oriented in that the father figure takes a role in order to support the family by earning a living, while the domestic aspect is oriented in that the mother figure takes the main role as a child caretaker from an emotional and social perspective.relational so that the father figure is less involved in raising children by handing over the responsibility of child rearing to the mother figure (Abdullah, in Murti, 2013).
According to the Dukcapil report in 2021, as many as 11.11 million people in Indonesia have the status of divorced marriages or it can also be said that as many as 4.06% of the population are divorced with the highest percentage of contributors coming from the city of Yogyakarta.The population in the Special Region of Yogyakarta (DIY) who is divorced, and dead is 225.37 thousand people or 6.13% of the total population.The graph also shows that in terms of percentage, the population with the status of divorced and deceased in the Special Region of Yogyakarta is in the top rank followed by various other provinces.
Furthermore, taking on the role of a single parent requires family communication, this is because communication is the basis of family life, meaning that communication can shape family life, reflect family relationships and play an important role in family functioning (Bochner, 1976).If there is no communication in the family, it can be said that in the family there is no dialogue as an activity of talking and exchanging ideas which will make the role of the family disappear.This will certainly cause the relationship between parents and children to be tenuous (Djamarah, 2004).Conversely, the role in a family can be said to be optimal if effective communication is created in the form of affection and attention, openness, mutual respect, a sense of security and comfort and good spirituality in it (Kriswanto, 2005).
In line with this, Floyd's research (2002) shows that compassionate behavior can improve health and well-being because affectionate communication or affective communication adapts to physical and spiritual survival which can create harmony and minimize stress.In a parent-child relationship, there will be a conflict that causes the atmosphere to become uncomfortable and stressful which also affects the child's discomfort (Izzaty, 2008).To be able to create harmony in a relationship between children and parents, an exchange of affection is needed.Affectionate behavior can be carried out in three ways, namely verbally, non-verbally, and activities that support socially and are manifested through the delivery of words of love, liking, or as a form of positive appreciation (Floyd & Morman, 1998).
In essence, humans are born with the ability and the need to feel affection.However, not all humans feel the same affection for each other because the emotional nature of the behavior and attachments that are transmitted are different so that the experience of love for each human being is different (Floyd, 2007).With these various statements, the researcher has a research objective, namely to find out the forms of communication messages that exist in the family in relation to the communication of affection, especially what occurs in single fathers and teenage girls.According to Floyd (2006), affection exchange theory has five assumptions, they are: 1. First assumption states that the need for and ability to love is innate from birth.
2. The second assumption, the affection feeling, and expressions of affection are different things and certainly separate experiences.
3. Assumption the third most important, states affection communication is adaptive and influences survival live for humans.
4. The fourth assumption is the affection exchange theory stipulates that each person has a different tolerance for affection.
5. The fifth assumption states that compassionate behavior that is contrary to tolerance is psychologically unpleasant.
Adolescence is a time when they need assistance and affection from their parents as a transition from childhood.Therefore, when children grow up, they will experience a process of forming a different self-concept, both cognitively, affectively and emotionally which makes parents forget that children need love even into adulthood.If this happens, it can weaken the relationship between parents and children.Thus, it can also be said that the family has the most role in terms of functions which are also very important for children (Supriyono et al, 2015).According to DeVito (2011) communication refers to a pattern of one or more actions in connection with sending and receiving messages that may experience noise, occur in certain contexts, cause certain effects and provide feedback.According to Mulyana (2010)  Family communication, namely a categorization of words, gestures, intonation, behavior creates an image impression, expressions of love and mutual understanding (Rae Sedwig;1985, in Achdiat;1997).In certain circumstances, communication within the family can be a means of communication in the framework of openness to all events that occur in the family, not only that but can also be used in the context of solving problems because the family is the smallest unit in society and is the first social environment.
In a family communication can create parenting in the family.Parenting in communication is the result of a simple description of the communication process which shows the relationship between one communication and another (Soejanto, 2001:27).Therefore, parenting in family communication can be referred to as a pattern of relationship between two or more people with respect to the process of sending and receiving messages to reach the process of understanding the meaning of the message.There are 3 parenting styles in family communication, namely: a. Authoritarian (tending to be hostile), the pattern in this relationship shows that parental acceptance is low but high control, likes to punish physically, requires or orders children to do something without compromise, is rigid or harsh, tends to be emotional and rejects.b.Permissive (free behavior), the pattern in this relationship shows that parental acceptance is high but low control, giving freedom to children to express their encouragement or desires.From the child's point of view, this relationship pattern shows that the child is impulsive and aggressive, has less self-confidence, dominates, the direction of life is unclear and has low achievement.c.Authoritative (avoiding anxiety and anxiety), the pattern in this relationship shows that parental acceptance and control is high where parents are responsive to children's needs, support children to express opinions or questions, and provide an understanding of the impact of good and bad actions.A single parent according to Sager et al in Duval and Miller (1985) is a person who takes care of and raises their children without the support of the presence and help of a partner.There are several things that cause a person to become a single parent, including divorce, spouse leaving the family or home, and/or death (Surya, 2003).Adolescence is the age when a person leaves childhood who is weak and dependent, but at this age he cannot be said to be strong and can be responsible for himself and for society (Hurlock, 2003).The characteristics of adolescents are divided into three age groups, namely: 1. Early Adolescence (Early Adolescence).At this stage adolescents have an age range of 12-15 years.Adolescents who are at this age have negative attitudes and characteristics that tend to feel confusion, fear and anxiety.2. Middle (Middle Adolescence).They are in the age range of 15-18 years.
They tend to expect something and find out more because they feel lonely and not understood.3. Late (Late Adolescence).The last stage of adolescence in the age range is 18-21 year.Adolescents tend to be stable and understand their life goals so that they have a stanc towards a directed pattern.The development of women entering adolescence begins with sexual maturity which makes changes to their body shape which also affect their psychology (Steinberg, 1993: Santrock, 2002).Girls are emotional and cry easily, especially during menstruation.Girls and boys have differences in empathy, which is interpreted by differences in motivation, girls are more sensitive to expressing emotions (Maslow, 1974).Not only that, but psychologically girls are also easily influenced and easily persuaded to change their beliefs compared to boys (Maccoby & Jacklin, 1974).Furthermore, according to Hall & Hallberstadt (1986), psychologically girls are more sensitive to nonverbal behavior because they can express nonverbal messages to express dominance, expression of affection or comfort.Therefore, the research question of this research is, 'How does family communication between single father and daughter in affection exchange?'

RESEARCH METHOD
This study uses a naturalistic paradigm.Naturalistic research is not guided by a particular theory of reality but creates an abstract into a conceptual structure and uses the researcher as the main research instrument (Muhadjir, 1989).The reason the researcher uses the naturalistic paradigm is to understand and know the forms of communication within the father's family as a single parent and teenage daughter and their relation to this role so that there is affective communication as a form of exchange of affection.The research object is a scientific goal that determines the achievement of a certain size or value so that the object of this research is a form of family communication in the exchange of affection that occurs between single fathers and teenage girls in the Special Region of Yogyakarta.According to Sugiyono (2019) the research subject is the party that will be studied to obtain information related to the data needed in the research.Research subjects as informants needed by researchers have the following criteria: a. Mature man as single father b.Have daughters who are included in the teenage years, namely ages 12-18 years c.Domiciled in the Special Region of Yogyakarta This research was conducted in Yogyakarta with two families plus one family using the snowball sampling method.There were primary informants and secondary informants in this study.Primary informants are single fathers and daughters in the Special Region of Yogyakarta, while secondary informants are expert informants, namely a psychology practitioner.1. AHW, single father from Yogyakarta (Key Informant 1) 2. VMWR, a girl from Yogyakarta (Key Informant 2) 3. L, a single father from Yogyakarta (Key Informant 3) 4. VA, a girl from Yogyakarta (Key Informant 4) 5. CF, VA's brother (Supporting Informant 1) 6. LA, the sister of VA (Supporting Informant 2) 7. L, a single father from Yogyakarta (Key Informant 5) 8. TS, a girl from Yogyakarta (Key Informant 6) 9. Vira Savira, M.Psi., Psychologist (Expert Informant) This study uses observational data collection techniques, in-depth interviews, and documentation where informants answer questions posed by researchers regarding the problem being studied.This study also uses data analysis techniques, namely data reduction which researchers sort thematically to make it easier for researchers to retrieve the necessary data then the data is presented in the discussion so that conclusions can be drawn.In this study, data triangulation was used as a data validity technique.This technique is used to compare data obtained from informants.This is intended for checking researchers in determining data whose sources can be trusted from the large amount of existing data (Ibrahim, in Jody, 2019).

RESULT
In the first family, namely the AHW single father, namely informant 1 and the daughter of VMWR who was informant 2, both of them developed affectionate communication with one another.Informant 1 as a single father understands the character of his child through communication, always exchanging stories with children, having deep talks with children, giving responsible freedom to children, conflicts can be minimized by good communication, giving appreciation in the form of appropriate praise, giving attention and support for children verbally such as providing understanding and direction and nonverbally such as taking children to school or tutoring, buying children's needs, paying attention to children's vehicles, and covering children while they are sleeping, as well as giving punishment in the form of locking the door when coming home late and rules in the form of understanding schoolchildren's obligations.Informant 2 as a child showed concern by asking about father's condition, listening to father's advice and rules and helping father.Apart from that, informant 2 also said that he opened himself up to his father to be able to tell him all kinds of things, spending time with his father traveling to Maria's Cave or deep talk .When he had a conflict with his father, informant 2 said that he and his father took their time to calm their emotions and then talked about it again after the atmosphere was good.Informant 2 said that when he was sick and didn't tell his father, the father could find out because of a feeling .
In the second family, single father L, informant 3, and daughter VA, informant 4, they developed affectionate communication by asking each other's condition.Informant 3 as a single father uses communication of affection to appreciate children's achievements by giving appropriate praise and gratitude and sometimes giving gifts to support children's school activities, he also said to give children responsible freedom, give directions to children, listen to children's opinions, always spending time with children by doing activities together at home, having deep talks with fathers by discussing children's future plans, rules that are given are limited to rules for the good of children such as not coming home at night, eating and drinking regularly, giving news when traveling, and punishment in the form of advice.Informant 3 said that conflict exists and is a challenge for the family to be united again.In order to understand the character of their children, informant 3 said that he made observations so that he could understand the nature of the children.Do not forget to also provide encouragement and support to children, especially when children are experiencing difficult times.Informant 4, in this case, daughters also show concern for their father through communication of affection by asking how their father is doing, doing things that their father asks them to do, opening up to their father even though they say that not everything can be said to their father when conveying their dislike to their father.Informant 3 said he spoke well to his father even though sometimes his father was emotional, if he was prohibited from having discussions with his father he did not immediately accept it but when he had a conflict with his father, informant 3 said he listened and followed his father's wishes because he was afraid that his father would be angry with him.When asking for his father's attention, informant 3 said by making jokes with his father which his father replied.
the third family, namely the single father L who is informant 5 and his daughter TS who is informant 6, only communicates at certain times so that it can be said that communication only occurs when needed.Informant 5 as a single father said that he had never done deep talk with children and therefore did not experience children's openness but gave freedom of responsibility to children.As a form of expression of affection, informant 5 more often uses the chat application on WhatsApp with children by asking if the child has eaten yet, asking the child's will, and also using an emoticon that means kiss in every message sent to the child, he also said kissing the child's cheek when the child is traveling.Informant 5 said he never gave praise or gifts to children directly on the grounds that children would be quickly satisfied with their achievements, but in fact he was proud and also loved his child.When angry and in conflict with children, informant 5 said he had used emotion but because the child had grown up, his attitude had changed.As a form of affection for children in regard to the existence of children and acknowledging their greatness, it was not uncommon for informants 5 to ask children for help.The form of exchange of affection was also shown by informant 6 as a child, namely by asking about the condition of his father and also easily opening a chat with the father even though the topics used were light topics because he felt awkward with the father and also helping the father when the father needed his help, such as asking for a child's massage when leg cramps and others.Informant 6 also said that he did not open up to his father because he also never had deep talk with his father.In his opinion, the father was a feared figure because of his father's attitude, which according to informant 6 did not reflect affection for him, but even so, informant 6 said that he loved his father and also knew that his father also loved him with the little attentions that his father was showing now.When there were differences of opinion or conflict, informant 6 said he listened because he was afraid of his father.In addition, informant 6 said that his father never gave him advice, appreciation and support.The only support she felt was when her father made her wish to own a nail art studio come true.When sick, informant 6 said he rarely told his father, but if he found out, he paid attention.In supporting and forbidding, informant 6 said that fathers often forbade it rather than support it.

DISCUSSION
This family experiences an exchange of affection, which is an outward instinct because a single father takes care of children from a toddler's age so that the inner bond they have is quite strong with the child.Then the two of them express affection to each other so that they experience expressions of affection, adaptive relationships because the father provides the various needs of the child in terms of material and emotional resources, and also experiences emotional tolerance where the father pays attention to the daughter's interpersonal relationships when experiencing menstruation.Therefore, these data show that the first family communication experiences the four assumptions of the five assumptions of the theory of exchange of affection so that this family belongs to an authoritative pattern where paternal care is appropriate, because this pattern produces positive and independent adolescents.Supporting data is the intensity of communication that is created well so that the child feels cared for, father and child are both responsive, when the child makes a mistake the father gives an indirect understanding of scolding, the father always advises his child.According to Rahayu (2002), this communication pattern makes teenagers channel their curiosity in a more positive direction so they don't seek attention with negative things.According to in-depth interviews with the informants, there is model of verbal communication in families of single fathers and adolescent girls, In this family, the communication of affection is very well established which is supported by data on single fathers who are very good at responding to children, giving advice and advice, forbidding and supporting for the good of the child, giving children the opportunity to speak which is where this family also experiences assumptions on the theory of exchange of love.affection, namely an outward instinct because of their high need and ability to love one another, expressions of affection through various forms, and also adaptive relationships where the father is always responsible for providing for the child's material and emotional needs.Father's parenting style is included in the authoritative pattern .Also supported by supporting informants, namely the first daughter and the third son said that the father never punishes the child but prioritizes directions, rarely experiences conflict with the child, and the child always obeys the father's advice so that affection shows that when they are apart they feel lonely and miss his father.
While it is slightly different from the first family and the second family, This family experiences an exchange of affection by experiencing expressions of affection by father and son, and emotional tolerance, namely the conflicts that arise are often psychologically unpleasant.In this family there is an authoritarian (authoritarian) communication pattern which is supported by data that the father always limits and punishes so that the child feels more restrained than supported, and also the flow of communication tends to occur in one direction rather than two directions where the father always gives rules and the child must obey them.then the intensity of communication occurs at certain times only.The pattern of parenting under the father makes the child feel afraid and awkward towards the father so that the child never opens up to the father because the nature of the father is always angry with the child.

CONCLUSION
There is an authoritative family pattern in the first and second families of the study and an authoritarian family pattern in the third family of the study in relation to the exchange of affection.Forms of verbal messages to single fathers and teenage girls are divided into (1) responding to children by exchanging stories with children, asking how children are, asking if children have eaten yet, talking with children, resolving conflicts with children, and providing input on stories or the child's opinion, (2) supporting the child by advising, directing the child by providing understanding and understanding of what should and should not be done, thanking for doing the obligation, congratulating the child's achievement, comforting the child, and talking about the child's future, (3) ) regulate children by giving conditions to children when giving freedom, asking children for help such as massaging their feet during cramps, asking for help cleaning the house, forbidding children from doing things such as playing games for too long and traveling far away, reprimanding children, and giving verbal rules to children.
While the form of nonverbal messages to single fathers and teenage girls is divided into (1) listening to children by listening to the stories told by children, accepting children's opinions and concerns, accompanying children when needed, observing children's attitudes to better understand children's character, and paying attention to children, (2) expressing affection by using funny stickers containing jokes and kissing emoticons when communicating with children on the WhatsApp application, taking and picking children up to school or where the child is going, cleaning the house with children, spending time with children by spending together watching television, eating together or exercising together, traveling for a pilgrimage to the Maria Cave, praying with the children and going to places to eat, buying feminine necessities for the monthly needs of teenage girls, understanding the condition of teenage girls so that they use tone or intonation who is gentle when communicating, covers sleeping children, kisses children on the cheeks, makes nail art studios for children, and gives achievement prizes in the form of school support tools, (3) punishes children by locking the door because they come home not on time and are angry with children.